Please Forget Me Not
by soda-rebel
Summary: We all forget. But that doesn't make the process any less terrifying.
1. Listening

**I'm back with a two-shot when I should be working on my multi-chapters. If anyone wants me to continue this or add a prequel, just comment and I'll see what I can do. Oh, and I really recommend listening to "Forgetting" by David Gray while reading this.**

 **I don't own Hetalia. Enjoy~**

Today was Friday. Fridays meant a visit from the doctor and an inevitable physical that came with it. Arthur wasn't sure why he needed these routine check-ups, and he frequently voiced that opinion. In fact, he shouldn't be in this "assisted living" complex at all! There was nothing wrong with him, he was fine. The bleached white sheets always blinded him first thing in the morning, there was barely any reading material, and the tea there was horrible... Arthur wanted to go home to his little rose garden with the azaleas, bluebells, and the would never be home to him, with the beige walls that bored him to no end, the floors that were always far too cold, the windows that never seemed to have enough light. Arthur needed to get back. Back home, something was waiting, but he just couldn't grasp what.

The digital clock on the nightstand beeped. Twelve-thirty, it read. Time for the pills- white capsules with a distinct blue stripe down the center. Although the color was beautiful, the overall taste was vile. Arthur certainly did not need them, but everyone insisted he did. What if he didn't take any today? With that in mind, he looked for a perfect hiding place.

'Maybe…?There!' Taking the conveniently sized pills, Arthur dumped them into a vase of wilting daisies. Perhaps it would do the flowers some good. It sure as hell wasn't going to help him.

"Skipping out on medications again I see." Caught in the act.

"Two minutes late, as usual, doctor" (he never could remember his name). This was their usual greeting. Always mechanical, never varying. Arthur's doctor always wore a nice pressed white medical coat. His hair had a few grey strands, but in his profession, who wouldn't? One strand always loved to stick up. At first, it was annoying, but now it was just another familiar part of the doctor. His glasses were commonly at a skewed angle with 'Texas Core' inscribed on the side. Arthur never knew what shoes he wore though...probably sneakers?

Three more loathsome pills were placed in Arthur's hand. "You have to take these Arthur," the doctor instructed. "You're not in the best state, and if you ever want to go home, you need to continue with the medications."

"They taste horrid" he complained. "Is there any way to lessen the flavour?"

A pause. "Well, I suppose I could find something that doesn't have as strong a punch to it."

"Thank you" he replied genuinely happy. "And another thing. When can I go outside? I really just want to get out of here for a while." Arthur had been pent up in his cell of a room for weeks now. Just a quick peek was all he wanted, to make sure that grass was still green, the sky still blue, and forget-me-nots still forget-me-nots.

A long sigh escaped his doctor. "Ya. Why not? It is stuffy in here."

Arthur didn't even try to suppress his smile. His doctor seemed...what was the word? Offended? No that's not right.

Walking to the small pond that was made for the nursing home, Arthur still tried to remember that word.

'Angered? No. Joyful? No, no. Why can't I recall it?' he was frustrating himself now. His emerald eyes squinted a nothing in particular to help focus.

The doctor watched with all-knowing eyes but never spoke out. Instead, he led Arthur to the wisteria tree. Taking a seat, he patted the spot next to him suggestively. Arthur sat a little way out of reach of the other. "What a beautiful day, huh?" the doctor asked breaking the silence.

"Hm?" Arthur stopped scouring through his vocabulary to look into the blue bespectacled eyes. They were expecting an answer. "Ah, yes. Absolutely lovely." Hoping to change the subject, he looked down at the small silver band around the doctor's ring finger. "What is your wife like?" The doctor looked at him with confusion and possibly...was that sadness?

"Oh, oh! Ya. They aren't really themselves as of right now and the last thing we did was fight. I'm pretty sure they hate me," he trailed off.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to intrude on your private life." he received no response. There was a faraway look on his doctor's face that told Arthur a flashback was probably happening. Of what, he had no idea.

Yet he has seen that face before, that scrunched up contemplative look. Maybe in another time perhaps, another life?

"Is there something wrong Arthur?" Concern flickered through the doctor's usual nonchalant face. Arthur didn't know what to make of it. Perhaps it was because he was the doctor's only patient? They hadn't seemed to be there for anyone else. Not that he would be jealous of course.

"Oh. It's nothing. Just...looking a bit through this old thing" Arthur said while lightly tapping the side of his head.

He was rewarded with a small laugh. "Guess you better organize those files, Artie," the doctor joked.

"Hm. You're always such a tease Alfred." His world froze. Wait. Alfred? Alfred. "Al-?" Arthur could barely contain his overwhelming joy. But of course then came the sadness."I...I remember. Oh god. I-I don't have much time left do I?" Alfred was on the verge of tears, shaking from the countless days of pent-up emotions.

"For two years...you couldn't recognize me for two years. I, I wanted to see you every day, but then you got all defensive and-" Arthur brought a hand up to silence him.

"I know you now, and that's all that matters. This won't last forever, so please tell me what I've missed out on." Arthur leaned close into the now ecstatic blonde, listening to the ramblings and details of what had happened over the few years. Francis had gotten the old trio together to travel around the world. Ivan was still in Russia, visiting his two sisters. Lovino and Feliciano were off to Rome to visit their uncle, and Matthew was at an animal reserve in Alaska, studying the habitats of polar bears and trying to stop poaching. Arthur shifted off of Alfred's chest to look into the azure he loved so much.

"What did you do?" he asked without breaking away from the sky eyes.

"I transferred from the hospital to work with you after…." Alfred looked away. He wanted desperately to deserve Arthur's compassionate gaze but after the incident?

It all happened rather suddenly. They were on a walk back from the park, fighting. One minute the two were crossing the street shouting about who knew what, in the next, Alfred was shoved harshly aside. Arthur was hit by the full force of a car that didn't stop at the red light. His injuries healed, but his mind was in tatters. The one the young American loved became a blank slate. A blank slate that did not want to get to know him, nor have a conversation about anything except leaving. Until now.

"Hey, hey, Alfred" Arthur started to pull the side of Alfred's coat for attention. "I don't blame you. I _wanted_ to be hit because that meant you would be safe. You can't imagine how glad I am that you're alright." Nuzzling into Alfred's side, he caught a familiar whiff of sandalwood cologne and the slight tang of sea salt. Arthur wanted to have these small moments more. He wanted to stay by Alfred. There was just so much he wanted, but couldn't keep. "D-don't forget me. Even if I'll end up...even...if it…" Now Arthur was babbling and was soon hushed by the other.

"I never did, and I never will. Why would I have monitored you every day? Why would I come here every Friday? Now tell me. Does that sound like someone who would forget you easily?" Alfred's words were so sincere, so honest, that any worries were tossed to the gentle breeze. A small silence.

"I uh, still have your ring…" The blonde reached into the back of his pants pocket for a moment to withdraw the object. Without hesitation, the familiar silver was slipped back to its rightful place.

The little span of happiness the two lived in was running short, though only Arthur knew this. Before the end, he tugged Alfred closer by his coat lapels to plant one last kiss. So many days. So many weeks. The kiss was simple, like the first one they shared back in April. Sweet, gentle, caressing, yes. This was what they both needed to be reminded of.

That was until Alfred was shoved away rather roughly.

"Doctor? What are you doing?" Arthur asked angrily. "I don't believe it is within your rights to abuse a patient like that."

And so the happiness had died in a flash. Arthur was no longer Arthur, just a clone who claimed to share the name and personality of one long deceased.

Alfred wanted to curl up in a ball so tight so that he would fold into himself to become nothingness. That's what he felt as of now: nothing. The blank cold of loneliness had come back to haunt his memories and present. Alfred would give anything to just hold Arthur just a while longer, and he burned to do so with the blonde just centimeters in reach.

No, he shouldn't or rather, he couldn't. The Arthur in front of him wasn't the one he fell in love with, the one who would sacrifice anything for him.

After standing up and brushing off a few stray leaves, Alfred looked to the still fuming Brit. "I apologize for that...now, do you want to go back inside Arthur?"

He was met with a sigh. "I don't suppose why not Doctor Jones. I've seen all I've wanted to." Picking himself up, Arthur couldn't help but think to what a strange man the doctor was. Speaking of strange, where had this ring come from?

Smiling a bit too widely, Alfred thought, 'The Jones part was new. Maybe there is hope after all.'

 **Part 2 coming up!**


	2. Forgetting

**Part 2-I recommend listening to 'Say Something' by A Great Big World accompanied by Christina Aguilera. I don't own anything. Enjoy ^-^**

Arthur worsened over the coming days, sometimes remembering Alfred, sometimes forgetting his own name. Awake on good days, unresponsive and crying in his sleep on bad days. Arthur needed a medication pump now, not being able to take any of the tablets orally anymore. It hurt to watch the stubborn blonde deteriorate, unable to do anything but watch. Alfred didn't want to witness the destruction of his husband, but what else was there to do? What could he do?

The faculty and staff there pitied their relationship, that much was certain. Elizabeta, one of the main desk workers, was extremely compassionate to the situation having gone through it before with her husband Gilbert.

"Give him time. There's always a chance he'll make it Al," the chestnut-haired Hungarian said gently. "Arthur's a fighter, so don't give up on him yet!" There was only so much comfort Elizabeta's words could provide. She didn't know...she hadn't seen what had destroyed all his hope.

It had started as one of those better nights. Arthur was once again, his Arthur. Light banter was had, small teasing compliments were thrown back and forth. Smiles were shared, laughter chimed like twinkling bells.

Everything went to hell after that. Those beautiful emeralds, those precious gems Alfred so loved, became clouded as loud and violent coughs rang through the room. Blood. There was so much blood everywhere. The alabaster sheets that were always complained about had been dyed a deep crimson, some had sprayed the walls during Arthur's ordeal. Alfred had panicked, trying to just touch the other, but was denied.

"Ar-Arthur. Come on, let me help. Please." Arthur had shaken his head no.

"G-get out," he asked in a strained voice. The Brit's head tilted upward to plead to him. "Just do that for me...alright?"

Other staff members cleaned up the mess and administered drugs, all while Alfred had to watch from the sidelines. It hurt so much. It hurt so very very much. Not only did he fail at his profession as a doctor, but he failed the only one whose opinion mattered. He failed Arthur.

Did he have a right to give up now? The immediate doctors on call at the nursing home would surely do a better job. The whole event was three weeks ago, but Alfred just couldn't get over it.

Pulled out of the depths of depression by a call, the former doctor trudged over to the phone.

"Hello? Jones speaking." Secretly, he was glad the caller couldn't see his disgruntled state. Glasses askew, hair messier than usual, and only wearing an old grey shirt with black jogging pants? Not exactly what you would approach someone in.

The incoherent yells in the background almost made Alfred almost hang up, when the frantic voice of Elizabeta finally came through.

"Al? Alfred?! We need you, oh God. It's Arthur." That caught his attention. "He wasn't breathing well when I went to check on him, and then he just stopped. He's on a non-invasive ventilator right now. We need-no, _he_ needs you." More sounds, some crashes, and a few curses.

Alfred swallowed the lump in his throat. "I'll be there."

One painstaking car-ride and fearful dash down the halls later, Alfred was at room 8785. Arthur's room. He didn't want to go in...there were just too many things that could be seen. Too many horrific tragedies could happen. But if he didn't? The overwhelming weight of guilt would surely be a worse fate. Gathering up his courage, Alfred pushed the door open.

It was so quiet. The sheets had returned to their natural colour, while the walls were still stained, giving out an eerie feel. Arthur was hooked up to an IV as well as the ventilator Elizabeta talked about. With each breath with the breathing mask on, a little puff of oxygen stained the plastic. The constant beeps from a heart monitor were even more reassuring. Taking a seat by the bed, Alfred wondered what could have caused this. Holding Arthur's hand, he absentmindedly started to rub little circles into it.

A soft voice interrupted that. "Hey now, stop that Alfred. Your hands are so bloody cold." Arthur was awake, attentive, but definitely looked worse for wear.

"I-sorry…" Alfred looked away. Sorry was never enough though, was it?

Arthur shook his head with the ghost of a smile on his lips. "Don't be. I brought this on myself. Carelessness. You shouldn't feel so bothered by this. This was all just me being a total and utter, " Al just had to interrupt.

"Stop it. All this? This is all my fault and you know it! I just...why? Why does it have to be you?" Only now did he realize he was crying. Alfred continued through the tears. "I wanted to be with you forever, as cliche as that sounds. Why does it all have to end?"

Arthur, not unfazed by the turn of the conversation, was trying to hold back his emotions and failing. "I don't know why alright? I don't want to be in this idiotic room when I could be with you. I don't want this to stop, I don't want to-" He didn't want to say it, saying it would mean it would happen… "I don't want to die." Arthur finished regretfully.

They were both a mess. Alfred was slowly losing himself, Arthur was slowly drifting away. Now they were hugging the life out of each other as if something as mortal as that could stop time and freeze the advances of death. There was so much they still wanted to say that words tumbled out like restless ocean waves, crashing upon each other's ears. Soon there was no more to be said as the warm salt of their tears were the only conversation.

Arthur stifled a sob momentarily to mutter three last words. "I love you."

 **The epilogue is coming. Will Artie live or die? o-o**

 **That's for me to know, and you guys to cry over mwahahaha! I know, I'm evil. XD**

 **Happy Valentine's Day.**


	3. Waiting

**Well, here's the long-awaited conclusion to this fanfic. I'm terribly sorry for the long wait. Thank you to all that favorited and followed ^-^. I recommend listening to 'Raindrops' by Regina Spektor. I own nothing. Oh and for you problem solvers, pay attention to the flowers. They reveal everything. Enjoy~**

Today was Friday. Friday meant that Alfred would be able to see Arthur again. Usually, he would drive to their meeting place, but today was such a nice day. A walk would do him good. It was a good thing he was wearing a short-sleeved blue shirt and jeans instead of a stuffy coat. The breeze felt nice and comforting as Alfred made his way through the town. Sun shining, birds chirping, and an endless expanse of blue sky. Life was good. He was about to walk past by a flower shop but decided to take a quick peek in. Every colour of flower imaginable stood in mismatched vases that perfectly caught and refracted the light of day. 'Maybe Arthur would like some flowers?' he thought. Picking out a few, the happy Italian at the cashier was more than happy to put the bouquet in a sleeve, even adding a nice red ribbon. The arrangement consisted of delicate white poppies, fluffy hyacinths, vibrant green orchids, and last but not least, ever-present forget-me-nots. This would be perfect.

Halfway there, Alfred realized there was no way he could get to Arthur without going by train first...Good thing he liked trains! After a sprint to the station and a few sideways glances from those he passed, Alfred made it on. It was a wonder the flowers were still intact after the mad dash. The steady passing landscape invoked a few memories. There was a certain one where he and Arthur were lying on the long ago fallen leaves from park trees in autumn. Of course, the Brit was reading a book- something classical-while Alfred just watched him. In his world, there was no better book or mystery than Arthur. When he said that, the other just rolled his eyes, laughing at the childishness of those words. There was no mistaking that blush though.

The abrupt stopping of the train disrupted Alfred's musings. He couldn't keep Arthur waiting! With a smile, he picked himself up, brushing off imaginary leaves only to keep the memory alive. It would only be a short walk from the station. Alfred had been waiting all week to see him, and now all the anticipation that had been building was at its breaking point. He knew this path by memory now. Past the willow tree, three steps to the right, a turn to the left, and he was there.

Alfred looked at the plain headstone. 'Arthur Kirkland'

Placing the flowers down, he greeted the marker with a smile and a, "Hey Artie." Taking his usual spot beside the thriving clovers, he began the usual conversation. Alfred asked about the weather, how Arthur had been if the view was nice. All the while there was always a silence in between each question as if Arthur was answering. His imagination filled in the rest. The sun filtered through the clouds creating a misty yet golden look to the otherwise grim place. When the refracted light glinted along the dewy surface of the grass, miniscule stars shined back. Alfred had never thought a graveyard could look so beautiful. But dazzling looks aside, Alfred had a speech to deliver.

"I just wanted to say, Arthur, I'm sorry again. For leaving you when you needed me the most. I can't help but think that if I was there...if I could have just...I really miss you." He needed to stop for a moment just to clean his glasses smudged with the smallest of tears.

After a good wipe with his shirt, he placed the 'Texas Core' back onto the bridge of his nose with a sigh. "It's in the past now. So I can't go back in time to fix it, to fix you. All I can do now is keep loving you, which you can bet I'll keep doing for as long as I live." Alfred leaned back into the coolness of the grass, watching the few birds that flitted the sky and wondered if Arthur was just as free.

Alfred had a full life. Each day was filled with a sense of purpose to live it as best he could for Arthur.

This meant long walks in the rain enjoying the coolness that plastered his graying locks against his face. Moments in the garden with the almost purple baby buds of the forget-me-nots, and nights staring at the streaking blue-violet twilight skies with stars that crinkled and winked. But above all, he began keeping a journal that documented any instance that he thought Arthur would have enjoyed. A favorite was a particularly windy day in the yard when monarchs struggled to flutter their way past. One such butterfly ended up landing smack dab in the middle of Alfred's face. It's delicate wings flapped slowly, brushing the tips of his glasses and smudging them with just the slightest of pollen. He had to fight a desire to sneeze, but as the small creature flew away, Alfred had to say he missed it.

In a way, it was like Arthur. Something incredible that had flown into his life and just as quickly left with only small traces of the event. But he knew, that like the monarch, he would still think of their time spent as a wonderful memory and not a tragedy. And so when Alfred's life drew to an end, death was not terrifying. Just another long trip.

In a house filled with the pictures of adventures, his last thoughts were the soft chiming of bluebells and laughter that warmly chided his childish ways.

When a tentative voice spoke out in the afterlife, "I've been waiting for you. Do you...do you know me?" Alfred only smiled at the long-anticipated greeting, stating himself, "I remembered you, Arthur."

 **Man, this has been one long wait, I'm sorry about that again.**


End file.
